My Loner Weekend

Right now, I'm alone in my dorm room, procrastinating on an assignment I should be doing.  Theres not a ton of people here on campus, most have gone home with their friends and families, but the ones who have stayed are out partying. I am not one of them. Not because I feel there is anything wrong with a few drinks shared between friends, but because I enjoy the time I spend by myself. If anything, I need the time to recharge. I've come to accept that its possible that I'll never be anything more than the definition of an introvert.

Being by myself has always given me an odd sense of security. I've heard many people talk about wanting to rip their hair out with boredom and annoyance when they are alone. I, on the other hand, cherish the time. It gives me a chance to get in touch with my interests again. Alone time is the only time that I can do things like listen to the entire Rubber Soul album by The Beatles from start to finish and take in every beat, or watch Girl, Interrupted for the thousandth time. It seems like I, myself, am the only reasonable company for such activities.

When writing a paper about when I feel most like myself, I said when I am alone. This is not to say that I don't enjoy being around people, but that I never truly feel like the real Samantha unless I am in complete solitude. So far, only writers and poets have been able to confirm these feelings. Maybe I'm misreading their messages. Maybe I'm just a hermit.

Yet somehow I sense that this feeling of atachment to detachment, of loving to be alone, is perfectly okay. Sure, its never been socially acceptable - I'll probably always carry the reputation as "that weird kid" - but being accepted by the mainstream isn't my main concern. I'm sure that If they knew how many thoughts carried in my head they would be jealous (or relieved).

Regardless of all this loner nonsense, I'm having a slow, uneventful, reflective weekend - and I feel perfectly fine about it.


Joe Luzzi said...

How are you finding time to blog :( i feel like im falling so far behind but i have like 18000093204834 things to do. I prob wont blog again till like wedneday, or friday! but this is well written and yeah i love being alone, but mostly its because when i can accomplish the most

Sam said...

I only have time because I had almost the entire weekend to myself. I was able to get an 8 page paper done, plus a glossary that took hours. Its a huge load off my back, plus I could do this.

Susannah said...

I need time alone too and understand where you are coming from.

It is where I touch base with myself, where I renew myself and attune back to my own rhythms. . . it is vital for me.

When I was younger and didn't get time to retreat, and think, and be alone, then I used to get ill and that forced me to take the time that I needed.

I really enjoyed this post. :-)