whats an INFP?

It has been a while since I have updated this...again. And I have come here to post something new simply because Debbie suggested I do so. I suppose its worth a shot.

I suppose I will write about something I have found interesting over the past few months. I had taken a personality test in a high school english class once. It was a Jungian style test based on the 16 personality types. After taking it I got the result INFP which seemed irrelevant at the time. Then a few years later I stumbled upon an internet test of the same kind. It too gave me the result INFP. I took it several times on different days, and each time I got the same result. So naturally my interest was peaked, and I began to do my own personal research on what it means to be an INFP.

The site with the most easy to read information was similarminds.com, which is one of the sites where I actually took the test. It lists many quick bullet-like descriptions which almost all seem to describe me perfectly (the only ones that did not were the ones about being late, simply because I am always early). The full description can be seen here. Some of the most accurate of these descriptions were phrases like: "attracted to sad things", "prone to feelings of loneliness","focuses on fantasies ", "daydreams about people to maintain a sense of closeness", "attracted to the counter culture", and "prone to dreaming about a rescuer".

Some of these are extremely obvious to others, because it is noticeable that I live in a dream world. I feel embarrased when I realize that I have drifted too far into my own head and others have clearly noticed, but this is so commonplace and unavoidable for me that I have had to learn to just brush off the stares. I assume it also seems obvious that I am "attracted to sad things", because just taking a look at my choice of books and movies shows you that I like depressing things. (I often have people tell me that this is "unhealthy", I don't think its wrong to gravitate towards what interests you. So go to hell.)

There are certain descriptions that are far more internal than those listed above though. For example, someone outside my head would not know that I daydream about others to maintain a sense of closeness. Its not something I do on purpose - its not something I even realize I do until after the fact. Its just that for me sometimes its hard to differentitate between whats a fantasy and whats not. The movies I create inside my head are so real seeming to me that sometimes I simply forget, and the line between my mind and reality blur. I sincerely wish that I could control this better, but it doesn't seem possible. Its like its programmed into my being. So for now I have had to make a truce and accept that I am living with a much more eventful life inside my head. And in this alternate life I do daydream about others, and I do daydream about a rescuer.

Other sites go out on a limb and just say stright out that INFP's are the most emotional of any type. Me? Emotional? Pshhh, someone's got it wrong. CLEARLY that is true, as everyone around me knows.  But I guess it feels nice to have something else say it. People who tell me to develop a thicker skin should try to feel my feelings for a day. Then they would shut up, and they wouldn't wonder any more why I develop such strong resentments towards them.

It also points out that I am a loner, which should also not be a surprise to anyone. But it does NOT say that there is anything wrong with that. Everyone needs to be alone sometimes, so people just need it more than others.

To be honest, I'm not sure what I'm getting at here. I just find comfort in writing revealing things like that here. Why? I don't know. Its probably not the best idea, yet here I am posting this anyway. I suppose maybe it can help people get off my back and stop suggesting ways for me to improve myself when there is no problem in the first place.